Red flags are missed when criterion failure changes what the person is willing to count as serious, relevant, or disqualifying.
A person may perceive inconsistency, contempt, secrecy, manipulation, instability, coercion, or repeated avoidance and still fail to judge those signs correctly.
What should count as disqualifying begins to count as understandable, temporary, passionate, wounded, or manageable.
The governing standard quietly shifts from truth and safety toward attraction, rescue, loneliness relief, or hope.
That is why people often say they knew something was wrong.
A practical question is: what am I no longer willing to let count fully here, and why?